The Unschooling Story

Resolutions

The sun is just coming up over the houses and I have been up and awake and moving around for almost two and half hours.  This is the last day of the year and the social media is abuzz with discussion of resolutions for the New Year.  Starting with a poll this morning over whether or not you make resolutions, to jokes about how long you will keep them on Facebook. 

One of the options on this morning's poll was whether you were just making a resolution this year or if you always make them?  I have been thinking about that question this morning as I start the day.  I am not sure that it is really resolutions I make every year, though that is the button I pushed on the poll.  Rather I make goals for the beginning part of the year.  Things I would like to try, things I want to get better at, things I want to learn.

I have been playing with time, schedules and the ways I spend my time for almost as long as I can remember.  As a teenager in "high school" at home I would come up with elaborate schedules for all the things I wanted to study.  I would maybe stick to them for a month to six weeks and then something would catch my attention to the level of absorption and the carefully planned schedule I had made up would fall again to the wayside. I would start the process all over again a few months down the road. 

I learned a lot about time management and how I work and as I have grown older I have learned that this is just part of the rhythm of being Chase.  So yes I have been thinking in the last month or so about what I would like to try this year, what habits I would like to encode.  I have been thinking that flossing my teeth consistently would be a good one.  For years I have struggled with cleaning out my nose with a neti pot.  I have known that I have allergies since I was about 11 and I've had a neti pot since sometime in my late teens.  However, it took until sometime after B was born last year for me to finally get into the habit of cleaning my nose every morning, whether I feel "sick" or not.  Before I would just do it after my allergies were bad.  But somehow and I really wish I could remember how (as it might be handy in figuring out how to encode other habits) it went from something I had to think about and make myself do, to just something I do every morning as soon as I am in the bathroom.  I feel much better for it especially the fact that it is just a part of my routine.  I don't have to think about whether I did it or not. I know that I just did this morning because I always do.  It is wonderful not to spend any energy on remembering.

In the past few months I have been using lists again.  Something I use off and on.  I don't order them like I used to before I had children, I find that the most important thing that needs to happen next changes pretty rapidly with small children.  Mainly my list is a reminder of the things I would like to get accomplished today, as well as a way to see progress that maybe, just maybe something did in fact happen today as I cross things out or put dots beside them to show that they are in progress (like bread making, laundry and other things that take a while from start to finish).

The things I have been thinking about this year for habits are the aforementioned tooth flossing, daily meditation practise (which I plan on talking about in another post), incorporating more spirituality into my life, 15 minutes of pampering of myself everyday, and continuing to work on patience for myself and my family.  Not a huge list.  Not a list to check off at the end of 2013 to see what I have accomplished. 

Just a list to start with. 

To see where it will lead me. 

To see where I will end up.

 

What about you?  What are your thoughts and hopes for the coming year?

Naked

Today is my  birthday.  I am 33 today.  I write this while nursing my youngest daughter and therefore by some people's standards I am exposed.  I remember this time last year being pregnant and waiting.

I was really hoping that my third child was going to be a boy.  As a mother of two daughters already I was looking forward to having some masculine energy that would ask different things of me as a mother.  Instead I gave birth to another beautiful daughter.  I have spent much of this past year working through my feelings about having another daughter.   I am embracing the fact that I only have girls and really, really thinking about what it means to raise them.

I know that they are watching my every move.  That my daughters know me better than even my husband does.  That they look at me with clear eyes and are learning all they can about how to be a woman, a mother, a being from me.  (Yes they watch my husband as well, but from him they are learning about men and how their future lovers should interact with them.)  I love the complete abandon that my daughters have about their bodies.  How happy they are to be in them, something I am desperately hoping they never lose.  Until recently I thought the loss of this abdoment was inevitable and that it was my job to try and protect them and keep the loss from happening for as long as possible.

Then a few weeks ago I was lucky enough to catch a live web cast of this TED Talk by Sheila Kelley:

 

You remember that I talked about Sheila earlier in the month.  I have been doing the S Factor workout since I found Sheila's book in the bookstore back in 2003 or 4.  I have taken breaks when I have been pregnant and when finding 40 minutes has been impossible.  But I come back to it over and over again.  Over pilates, belly dancing, yoga and other forms of dance the S Factor workouts have meant more to me, helped my body feel better and stayed with me longer than any other workout.

But I have always been shy talking about it with anyone other than Leigh.  I mean it's a strip workout!  Sheila gets to fly on a pole.  Many people have so many preconceived notions about what that means.  I know how empowered it makes me feel.  I know how glorioius I feel after I do it.  That I will do just about anything to carve out time to do the work out and if I don't have time I am throwing hip circles in the kitchen while cooking dinner! 

I don't want my girls to ever feel the first offence!  I don't want them to think that anyone can tell them what they can and can not do with their body.  Because if they know that they are totally in charge of their bodies - than they are not going to be victims and they are not going to let any future sexual partners treat them badly.

This year, as I am once again a palandrome, my focus is to be being more fully me.  Embracing all of me, from the tips of my graying hair to my tips of my toes.  Of taking care of myself, eating the food that speaks to me, slowly, and taking care of my body.  Becoming that erotic creature all the time and living the example that I want my girls to see. 

Because they are always there and they are always watching. 

And I am always naked.

15 Minutes Up 15 Minutes Down

Last week I had a head cold.  Nothing major but as a stay at home mother of three it was shall we say inconvenient?  Especially since my roving 10 month old is on a let's-take-everything-out-we-can-reach- and-dump-it-on-the-floor stage of development at the moment.  This weekend was a typical one for us, where we were pretty much anywhere but home.

As you can imagine my house was pretty much covered in debris by the time Leigh walked out into the snow to head to work.  Yep today is a Snow Day as well, the first real one of the season.  On top of everything else, the older girls went out three or four times to play and of course tracked in snow and wet clothes every time they came in.

I decided that today was going to be a 15 minute up and a 15 minute down kind of day.  With my trusty timer I have spent 15 minutes sitting down (usually doing things on the computer, watching class videos, earning Swagbucks, etc.) and 15 minutes up.  15 minutes up today has been doing chores.  Laundry catch up, kitchen clean up and today cookie baking as well.  I came up with the idea last week when I was feeling awful.  I have been a Fly Baby using Fly Lady's techniques for just under a year now.  She says you can do anything for 15 minutes.  I didn't want to do anything that required moving for 15 minutes last week, but I did it.  Knowing that I would get to sit the next 15 minutes (providing none of my kids injured themselves during that time) really helped.  You truly can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes.  Especially the things you don't want to do, whatever they may be.  I have a list that I work from as well as the satisfaction of crossing something off really helps motivate me.  Plus with the chaos here I need it just to know (or rather not have to decide) what to do next. 

Some times my 15 minutes down end up being more like a half an hour if B decides that she needs to nurse.  This afternoon my 15 minutes up ended up being more like 1 1/2 hours when my girls decided cookies needed to be made (we made these, and these).  But over all I find this framework really helpful.  I avoid getting overly tired, my girls know if I am sitting down that I'm not getting up again (okay B doesn't but the other two do), and by being up every other 15 minutes I am not spending my day sitting, which is good for my body.  Now if only I had figured this out while I was pregnant....

 

 

Videos from Santa

 

It's the weekend!  I wanted to take a moment and share this with you in case you haven't discovered that you can send free personalized videos from Santa to all the kids (and adults) in your life.

We have been doing this for the last three holiday seasons and my girls love it.  It is quick and simple to set up and it really helps with the believability factor of Santa.  This year they even have a way for you to make sure Santa is pronouncing the recipient's name correctly, and you can upload up to three photos.

Please note that this is completely free, though the site does offer upgrade options.  We always do the free version.

 

 

Also for some free activities check out this site.

Do Women Need to be Protected?

Should woman be protected?

Leigh and I started to have this conversation over breakfast this morning.  It was rushed as breakfast often is on his current schedule but I am still thinking about that whole concept.  Should woman be protected, and how that is evident in a lot of religious and cultural beliefs.

Now as parents of three girls we think about how we want to raise your girls.  We have already had discussions about what if any of them are lesbians (we will still love them, Love As Thou Will), what if they don't leave home at 18 (we didn't and ended up at my parents house for longer than we would have liked) how we will deal with dating (an on going discussion as the eldest is 6 so we still have a ways go there) and so on.

Leigh grew up in New Zealand, the first country to give the women the right to vote, and so feminism was awash in the schools.  Leigh was required to read a lot of strong-female-character books in school and by the time I met him in our early twenties, he was really sick of all that stuff.  We recently realized however that most of his favorite science fiction and fantasy series have strong female main charactors, so I guess it sunk in somewhere. 

Being the father of three girls has also rubbed off and Leigh is just as much involved in making sure that our girls are exposed to the kind of characters we want them to see (no Disney princess movies, though Tangled and Shrek are good), not that we are perfect.

I have recently found Intimate Conversations with Allana Pratt, a free weekly interview program.  I found it because I heard about her interview with Shelia Kelley.  Anyway one of the things Pratt was talking about was how she has found that asking men to uphold the feminine form and to respect it brings out the best in men.  It is sort of the knight complex from my understanding.  That as men respect women they want to protect them.  Not in the incapable-will-fall-apart-at-the-drop-of-the-hat-damsel-in-distress kind of way.   But in the you-deserve-to-be-treated-with-respect-and-anyone-who-disrespects-you-is-going-to-have-to-deal-with-me kind of way.

Women do need to be protected.  Especially after birth, especially with young children, especially as young girls. Especially when we are vulnerable to society telling us who we are and what we should do.

But women do not need to be covered up and told that their bodies are shameful.  Women do not need to be told that they are not sexual human beings.  Girls should have the same dress codes as boys, neither gender should be wearing mini skirts to school or shorts that do not come up over their bottoms. 

Women are powerful, we do move in different ways from men.  We can and do change the world.  We are the bringers of life and death. 

Everyday I think about these things, how best to raise my girls.  How to show them by example to be who they are, not who anyone thinks they should be. 

Do I stumble and fall and show them things I'd rather they didn't see?  Sure.  But in doing that I am also showing them that we are all human, and that we all need to grow whether we are a baby or a 90 year old.

So do women need to be protected, and if so how?  What do you think?

Redefining Sexy

Today is 12.12.12 and I'm late.  It's aready 6pm Eastern Standard Time and I have pasta on the stove and sauce in the crockpot and here I am sitting down to write a blog post that I should have written yesterday, or at the very least before 8am this morning.

But as a mother of three girls (6, 4 and 10 months) this is life and it's better to be here  now, a tiny bit late than never.

Today is 12.12.12 and I am part of a group of women who working to redefine what society (especially American society) considers sexy and what we consider sexy as mothers.  This is controversal for so many reasons, and yet something we need to do.

As a mom raising three strong girls I have been thinking a lot about how I want them to grow up and how can I best prepare them for the world they are going to enter.  I know that I lead mostly by example, that they are watching my ever move, every way I talk, the micro expressions I make in the mirror the faces I make when getting dressed.

I am a mother of a 10 month old so I've got a muffin top though my arms and legs are so very strong (my daughter is about 25 pounds, you try carrying that around every day) and one of the things I have started is a thank you to our bodies, every part of our bodies when we get out of the shower.

I believe in the healing qualities of exercise and how we are too sedentary in our lives as adults and how we need to move more.  I have practiced yoga, pilates, mediation, fencing and general aerobics, weight lifting, belly dancing.  But the only program I come back too, time after time and year after year is the S Factor.

Yep it's an exercise routine that can involve a pole (I don't have one yet so unfortunately my feet have to stay on the ground, have you seen how they fly?), but it is not about becoming a slut.  It is not about pleasing your mate.  It is about taking the time to feel your body, not in a mastubation type way, but in a hello, how are you kind of way. 

One of my favourite lines that Shelia Kelley says is "It is your body and you should know it better than anyone else on the planet."  Yes that is what I want for my girls.  The only way I can protect their sexuality is to be honest about my own and to show them by example that I am sacred, beautiful, loving and yes even sexy.  Do they notice yet?  I am not sure, but just as it is important to me that they know that babies are born at home with midwives, they are having this incooded in their very soul.  This is your body, love it!  You are powerful just as you are.  This is the way women's bodies move.  In the shape of their curves, the shape of an S.

Today Sheila has release another video in her compaign to redefine what it means to be sexy.  This time it is about Ali the mother of Jack who like me had some post partum depression.  Ali found herself by going back to the S Factor, one of the same ways I have refound myself after giving birth to each of my girls.  Won't you give it a watch and share it if you like with all of your friends, male and female.

A night time prayer

Momma, Momma help me please

My little one's tired and has sore teeth

Momma, Momma help me please

My little one's tired and has sore teeth

 

Help her rest her weary head

As the Sandman leads her off to bed

Help her rest her weary head

As the Sandman leads her off to bed

 

Momma, Momma help me please

My little one's tired and has sore teeth....

{just a moment}

{A  Friday ritual inspired by Soulemama.  A single photo from this past week.... no words.... just a moment captured in time.  If you feel inspired to share.... leave a link the comments with your moment.}

 

Adult Unschooling (Or what I wish had been available when I was a teenager)

I think I have found my current fountain of youth.

I certainly feel much younger lately.

Not in the naive, don't know what I am doing sense, but in the sense that I have rediscovered my joy for learning.

Which sounds very weird coming from a life long learner like I consider myself.  But let's face it as I approach my sixth year since becoming a mother and as my third child has now traveled half way around the sun, I realize that the learning I have been doing for the past six years has been learning to be a mother, keep a house, live on one income and all the various things that come with that.  And while that has been necessary, fascinating, awe-inspiring, and at times difficult and challenging, apparently it has not really been using all of my brain.  At least not the way I used my brain as a teenager.  I didn't even know I was missing it.  Not really.

Then a few months ago I heard something interesting.  I think it started on Facebook, but I'm really not sure.  I know it was after I found TED Talks.  I heard that both MIT and Harvard were going to start to offer free online university level courses.  I think all I really heard was free and university level and online and well I was off searching the web to find more information.  What I found was MIT was doing engineering courses and Harvard was going to start up this fall.  While I was browsing I found another site that was offering free university courses, but not just from one university like MIT and Harvard but from 4 universities (Princeton, Standford, U of Michigan and U of Pennsylvania).  So I signed up for three courses, the first two starting in July figuring that by that point I would have my brain back from having baby B.

In the middle of July I got an email from Coursera letting me know that 12 more universities had joined them including Duke, University of Edinburgh, John Hopkins, Georgia Tech, and Cal Tech.  I was busy at the time and so it wasn't until I started my first two courses this week that I went to see what else was available, and I have to tell you with over 100 courses to choose from there really is something for everyone.

So what are the courses like you ask?  Right now I am taking two, Listening to World Music and Fantasy and Science Fiction: The Human Mind, Our Modern World.  I know that Listening to World Music has just about 30,000 students signed up.  So how do you run an online class with that many students?  The answer appears to be with peer to peer grading.

Each class has a series of videos (length and number vary between classes) some have imbedded quizzes and some classes have extra curricular things you can take if you want.  Then each class has some kind of a writing assignment (and every class I have taken gives you at least 5 days to do it in) that you submit.  After the submission deadline you get a random selection of your fellow classmates assignments to grade (so far it appears to be about four, but only one of my classes have given a number) and each class has directions on how to grade your peer's assignments.  Providing that you grade all the assignments in the two day window, then at the end of that time you will get your assignment returned to you having been graded. 

Most classes offer certificates of completion at the end of the class (class length seems to run from 5 - 12 weeks in the classes I have checked out) with Princeton being an exception to that rule.  Some classes have midterms and finals, others do not. Some have knowledge they expect you to already have, but all of that information is provided on the course information page. Almost all classes are self contained, meaning you do not need to buy text books, though many have that option if you want more information they are not required.   My Fantasy and Science Fiction class has us reading 10 different books, all but two of them are public domain and readily available online, and the two that are not should be available at most libraries.

Some of the classes I have signed up for in the future (you can sign up for them even if they have not picked a date for the class yet, remember they are free and you can un-enroll at any time) include: Model Thinking, Introduction to Sustainability, A Beginner's Guide to Irrational Behaviour, Think Again: How to Reason and Argue just to name a few.

The wonderfulness of these courses being online is that you can do them anytime and anywhere you have internet access.  Which works very well around small children. You can decide how much of the course you want to complete (for instance my mom isn't planning on doing the writing assignments for Listening to World Music because at her point in life she doesn't care about the certificate). This also fills my need to never stop learning and to keep learning something new.  As a generalist this is my version of the candy store. 

I have been amazed at how excited I have become while doing these courses. How much I have been enjoying the work (each course gives you an estimate of the time needed each week so you can make sure you have enough time in your life) and how much I suddenly feel like a teenager again.  I just wish this had been available when I was homeschooling my high school!  I can't wait to see what will be out there by the time my girls will be at that age.

{just a moment}

{A  Friday ritual inspired by Soulemama.  A single photo from this past week.... no words.... just a moment captured in time.  If you feel inspired to share.... leave a link the comments with your moment.}